Welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. It’s great to have you here.
I recently heard a quote that said
“May your self-love be stronger than your self-doubt”
Read that through a few times. Consider how different your actions may be if you loved yourself more than you doubted yourself. As I’m asking you this I’m asking myself too.
When I first heard this it resonated with me on so many levels. I wrote it on a post-it note and suck it by my desk. As I sat to write this post it sprung out at me and I am reminded once more why I keep these special quotes nearby.
The last few days I’ve been experiences a bit of an inner struggle. Let me rephrase that. Over the last week a war has been raging in my head. I’m fabulously skilled at overthinking, doubting myself and generally driving myself to distraction - thus diving head first into overwhelm and drowning in self-doubt. It’s a cycle that repeats itself regularly not just in my writing but most areas of my life.
But today I’d like to share with you the dark side of my writer’s brain. Since the book was released on 12th May this year I missioned on and had book signings, interviews and excitedly shared with the world how chuffed I was to finally get this book published. So it makes no sense that all of a sudden I hit a wall. My inner-critic rugby tackled me to the ground and the overthinking spiralled out of control.
For me, the best tonic is usually getting to the gym classes, getting out the house in general - preferably in nature, to meet up or chat on the phone with friends and to allow myself time to rest. Being the sensible adult that I am, I straightaway put these tactics in place. After forcing myself to leave the front door. I caught up with a couple of friends I hadn’t seen in far too many years. I visited Sandringham, sat and wrote and then enjoyed a stroll through the beautiful woodland. I dragged myself to Body Pump on a Saturday morning. Then I rested, I read books, I even binge-watched some Netflix. Perfect.
However, at this point none of this has pushed the self-doubt far enough to the back of my mind where I’ve been able to put myself forward for more events. I’d like to give you the great news that it has passed, that I’m back on track and you’ll be seeing me in national magazines, on TV, hearing me on Podcasts and generally sick of the sight of me and my book. Hopefully soon, but at this point it’s been tiny shuffles forward whilst I’m still wrestling my inner critic. Who, may I say, has upped their games since we last encountered each other.
The fact is that I know why this has happened. That in itself is massive progress for me. I believe that because this hurdle - publishing my book and the social interactions following that, both online and in real life - were bigger than my previous hurdles. The shock of hitting the ground afterwards was more impactful and my recovery time from all the peopling has been more intense. The reassuring part of this for me is that I understand. I try to at least be kinder to myself when I’m overcome by the urge to hide under my blanket, crying as I devour a cupboard full of snacks.
Basically, I figure that if I see this as just part of my journey. Rather than reprimanding myself for what could be perceived as bad behaviour. Then I can get through it and come out the other side stronger. I know that as a writer more work is done whilst we’re going about our day to day activities. Our mind is working on character development or story arcs or designing the book cover. The words on the page come later and they are just a small part of the work. And so it is with publication. I may not have been on my world book tour yet but I have signed up for some cool stuff and contacted a few places.
Plus, lots of people contacted me to say they were reading my book over the weekend - however this was also part of the problem. I love that they were enjoying curling up with my book but my inner critic loves to remind me of the thing that trumps self-doubt - my fear of rejection! Hiding under the blanket now makes sense. As a child when there were storms, or arguments or monsters in the dark, I hid under my blanket. As you can see, not much has changed in my coping mechanisms.
To conclude, I’d like to suggest that at times when you feel you are failing, consider the actions you are taking. Are they taking you in the direction you want to go? Are you just taking a pitstop? Are you pausing to grow stronger for the next battle? Are you just waiting for the storm to pass or the sun to come up?
Shall we read this quote again so we can carry it with us on our journeys
“May your self-love be stronger than your self-doubt”
Let’s vow to be kinder to ourselves. We’ve got this!
Much Love, Claire x